For those of you that know me, know that I've been having a really hard time this past year. Luckily I have some amazing friends, a supportive husband and family who picked me up every time I was thisclose to giving up.
Last year I began suffering from panic attacks and was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder, OCD and depression. The counseling and medication helped, and just as I was starting to feel like myself, I got fired.
I had worked at Verizon Wireless since July 2010. Admittedly this was a horrible fit for me, and I always felt anxious and worried. I was in work mode 24/7 and I would cry every day to and from work. Instead of letting me explain to management what I needed to be successful (because as far as sales go, I was KILLING it), they moved me to the Staunton store (a 45 minute drive compared to my usual 3 minute commute).
I begged not to be switched so soon after having returned from my FMLA leave (linked to my anxiety/depression), but obviously no one cared. I was moved to the Staunton store in May 2012.
It was hard to cope with the changes, but I slowly accepted the store.
Now EVERYONE I worked with played pranks, cursed, made fun of customers, etc. One manager would make jokes about women belonging in the kitchen and another would even send pictures of his shoes and pants when he went to the bathroom, just to let us know he was pooping. People would take pictures of funny customers and pass them around. Every year there was a NCAA bracket for money, co-workers would steal each others' phones and update their Facebook to inappropriate status'. I HATE hugging and touching and that was how people picked on me. Other people would use office supplies to prank each other, lock others out of their computers and so on.
Before I moved to the Staunton store, a co-worker was arrested for drunk in public. He was known to drink a lot and get into trouble. My Staunton co-workers asked me about it, and wanted to see his mugshot from the "crime times" which is a local publication that prints mugshots and charges. My manager asked me to send it to him, (another co-worker had sent it to me) and I forwarded the picture.
Everyone had a good laugh...until I was fired. Just me, no one else. I was devastated.
Everything I had accomplished with my health crashed. I upped my medicine (but couldn't see a counselor due to expense) and as a result gained wait, lost my will to get up most days and I know the people around me were affected by my constant depression.
I haven't been able to collect unemployment because Verizon says I violated a "code of conduct" which is funny since no one else was punished. Even worse? No one stuck up for me. Not one co-worker.
But this week has brought on some good changes. Today I got a job offer working in an office with great hours and great pay. They will even pay for grad classes AND I start tomorrow! I started Crossfit, and am working on getting back to the old me. The happy me. The me that doesn't have to use every ounce of energy just to get out of bed.
I can't wait. And I want to say thank you for every person who continues to support me no matter what life throws at me. (You know who you are)
Cheers!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 10
Day 10: Discuss your first love and first kiss.
My first real kiss was in 8th grade at a birthday party. Of course we were playing spin the bottle, and the boy who I'll refer to as J took me outside and kissed me on a foggy October night by the lake on the golf course where the party was held.
A very cliche 80's movie scene. I had started crushing on J in 7th grade so of course I thought the next step was to date through high school, lose our virginity on prom night, get engaged at graduation and then raise some kids.
Instead, he started making fun of me in school and I was crushed. I still have hard feelings, but he recently popped up on my Facebook, "people you may know" even though I deliberately denied his friend request (yes he made my life hell and I still remember the horror of middle school and yes, I'm still refusing to be Facebook friends with this guy 11 years later). Curiosity got the best of me, and I'm happy to report that although he is married, I'm still satisfied that my life is better than his. SO THERE! I'm obviously a very mature 25 year old.
I guess J was my first crush, and I dated and dumped a string of guys in high school, but when I think of my first love, my first REAL love, I only think of Steven.
That said, I do have a first sick infatuation, which I'll be more than happy to divulge.
I met B during my freshman year at Bridgewater College. He was 24 to my barely 18, had just got out of the Marines and was so smooth and handsome that I was wrapped around his finger. He knew exactly what to say. In all my previous relationships, I wore the pants. I was the boss, I made the rules, and I broke the heart. He knew all the right things to say and I was in over my head by our second date. For the next 3 years we were on and off. We never said I love you or became Facebook official. He'd be all about me for a few weeks, then disappear. Then one of us would drunkenly call the other and after the booty call, we'd be on again. I would ignore him and play hard to get when I felt him pushing away, he'd come back and the cycle continued.
I had a lot of guy friends in college, and got so much satisfaction showing up to parties with them and seeing the look on his face when I walked in. Before I left to study abroad I remember him screaming at me that if I got on the plane to Australia (with my best guy friend) he would never speak to me again. I'm so thankful I turned my phone off and got on that plane. It was so liberating. Of course the night I got back to the States, the game was back on.
Looking back, I can't believe I let that go on for THREE YEARS. Not to say that I didn't date other guys, but I always went back to B. Towards the end, after changing my phone number, I ran into him at the bar I worked at (though I was off duty) and coincidentally made Steven (married at the time, and whom I had only talked to once before) shield me. I can still remember him screaming "I know you're going to fuck that cop! Fuck you!" And I'm not going to lie, I would die laughing if I could see his face when he found out I married him. Another night while I was working he showed up with his dad and introduced us. I said, "so you're the one responsible for raising this piece of shit?"
The very last time I "saw" him, I was beyond wasted and in my junior year. I started crying, slipped up and said "I love you why don't you love me!?" And yes, I'm embarrassed. After this, I knew I had to break the cycle. I tried the ignore, change my number, etc, but I couldn't shake them. So I did what any college girl as awesome as myself would do.
I well, hung out, with his (super hot) best friend and roommate from the Marine Corp. And I don't even feel bad admitting it. He got the picture after that. And they are no longer friends, but his friend was pretty much done with his ass anyway.
Even though this was a total bitch move, I think I ended up getting a pretty sweet life deal.
My first real kiss was in 8th grade at a birthday party. Of course we were playing spin the bottle, and the boy who I'll refer to as J took me outside and kissed me on a foggy October night by the lake on the golf course where the party was held.
A very cliche 80's movie scene. I had started crushing on J in 7th grade so of course I thought the next step was to date through high school, lose our virginity on prom night, get engaged at graduation and then raise some kids.
Instead, he started making fun of me in school and I was crushed. I still have hard feelings, but he recently popped up on my Facebook, "people you may know" even though I deliberately denied his friend request (yes he made my life hell and I still remember the horror of middle school and yes, I'm still refusing to be Facebook friends with this guy 11 years later). Curiosity got the best of me, and I'm happy to report that although he is married, I'm still satisfied that my life is better than his. SO THERE! I'm obviously a very mature 25 year old.
I guess J was my first crush, and I dated and dumped a string of guys in high school, but when I think of my first love, my first REAL love, I only think of Steven.
That said, I do have a first sick infatuation, which I'll be more than happy to divulge.
I met B during my freshman year at Bridgewater College. He was 24 to my barely 18, had just got out of the Marines and was so smooth and handsome that I was wrapped around his finger. He knew exactly what to say. In all my previous relationships, I wore the pants. I was the boss, I made the rules, and I broke the heart. He knew all the right things to say and I was in over my head by our second date. For the next 3 years we were on and off. We never said I love you or became Facebook official. He'd be all about me for a few weeks, then disappear. Then one of us would drunkenly call the other and after the booty call, we'd be on again. I would ignore him and play hard to get when I felt him pushing away, he'd come back and the cycle continued.
I had a lot of guy friends in college, and got so much satisfaction showing up to parties with them and seeing the look on his face when I walked in. Before I left to study abroad I remember him screaming at me that if I got on the plane to Australia (with my best guy friend) he would never speak to me again. I'm so thankful I turned my phone off and got on that plane. It was so liberating. Of course the night I got back to the States, the game was back on.
Looking back, I can't believe I let that go on for THREE YEARS. Not to say that I didn't date other guys, but I always went back to B. Towards the end, after changing my phone number, I ran into him at the bar I worked at (though I was off duty) and coincidentally made Steven (married at the time, and whom I had only talked to once before) shield me. I can still remember him screaming "I know you're going to fuck that cop! Fuck you!" And I'm not going to lie, I would die laughing if I could see his face when he found out I married him. Another night while I was working he showed up with his dad and introduced us. I said, "so you're the one responsible for raising this piece of shit?"
The very last time I "saw" him, I was beyond wasted and in my junior year. I started crying, slipped up and said "I love you why don't you love me!?" And yes, I'm embarrassed. After this, I knew I had to break the cycle. I tried the ignore, change my number, etc, but I couldn't shake them. So I did what any college girl as awesome as myself would do.
I well, hung out, with his (super hot) best friend and roommate from the Marine Corp. And I don't even feel bad admitting it. He got the picture after that. And they are no longer friends, but his friend was pretty much done with his ass anyway.
Even though this was a total bitch move, I think I ended up getting a pretty sweet life deal.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
30 Day Blogger Challenge: Day 9
30 Day Blogger Challenge: Day 9
How do I hope my future will be like?
Easy. I hope it will be filled with love, laughter, family, friends and adventures.
How do I hope my future will be like?
Easy. I hope it will be filled with love, laughter, family, friends and adventures.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
30 Day Blogger Challenge-Day 8
I'm a horrible blogger. I think about it often because right now, I have a lot of emotions to get out. But every time I sit down to do so, I feel like I should be doing something else. Job hunting? Cleaning my house? Working out? I do so much of those, I haven't really been taking time for me. So here's my attempt to re-enter the blog world.
30 Day Blogger Challenge-Day 8:
A moment you felt most satisfied with your life.
Tuesday was my 25th Birthday. I was pretty bummed most of the day. My estranged mother moved to another state without letting me know (I found out from my little brother) and even though I know she is incapable of loving me, it still hurts. It's been 3 years since I've gotten so much as a happy birthday or Christmas card from her.
That morning I woke up, went to lunch with my dad (Steven had to work and then had bowling until 9:30p). Afterwards, I hung out at the house and when Angela got off work, her, Jessica, Heather, Kristin, Quorra and Noah took me out for a last minute dinner at one of my favorite places, Romano's (a local Italian place which rivals the Olive Garden).
I know I was grumpy, but I did have fun. Steven and I were going to go out after he was done bowling, so I got ready and then promptly passed out on the couch. He called twice, text me twice and then came in to find me passed out. I wanted to go out, but was clearly exhausted (I feel like a granny being sleepy at 10pm, I can remember getting ready to go out and drinking beer in the shower at 10pm). Instead, we opted for pajamas and I poured a glass of wine and we watched tv in bed with the newest addition to our family, which you'll meet in a moment.
At that moment, I felt completely satisfied with my life. I have a great family, the best friends, and a husband that loves me no matter what. I might be between jobs, but we have a beautiful house, loving support system (of friends and family that are there to catch us and help us back on our feet), and we have just as much fun going out as we do staying in.
Steven turned 31 yesterday, and we celebrated it similarly. It was perfect.
So even though I've had my fair share of bad luck and bouts of depression, once I stop and think about it, I really can't ask for more.
Oh, and after leaving Verizon (the hell of which I called my job and will be unleashing all the fury I have towards them in a future post) I felt extra lonely and depressed. Like, 10 Xanax and a bottle of wine couldn't make it better depressed. So what did my sweet husband do? We decided to add a little addition to our family (along with a huge stash of Claritin)
Meet Prim:
She's cute, but ferocious. And has become the diva of our house. I'll be sure to upload more of her shenanigans soon.
30 Day Blogger Challenge-Day 8:
A moment you felt most satisfied with your life.
Tuesday was my 25th Birthday. I was pretty bummed most of the day. My estranged mother moved to another state without letting me know (I found out from my little brother) and even though I know she is incapable of loving me, it still hurts. It's been 3 years since I've gotten so much as a happy birthday or Christmas card from her.
That morning I woke up, went to lunch with my dad (Steven had to work and then had bowling until 9:30p). Afterwards, I hung out at the house and when Angela got off work, her, Jessica, Heather, Kristin, Quorra and Noah took me out for a last minute dinner at one of my favorite places, Romano's (a local Italian place which rivals the Olive Garden).
I know I was grumpy, but I did have fun. Steven and I were going to go out after he was done bowling, so I got ready and then promptly passed out on the couch. He called twice, text me twice and then came in to find me passed out. I wanted to go out, but was clearly exhausted (I feel like a granny being sleepy at 10pm, I can remember getting ready to go out and drinking beer in the shower at 10pm). Instead, we opted for pajamas and I poured a glass of wine and we watched tv in bed with the newest addition to our family, which you'll meet in a moment.
At that moment, I felt completely satisfied with my life. I have a great family, the best friends, and a husband that loves me no matter what. I might be between jobs, but we have a beautiful house, loving support system (of friends and family that are there to catch us and help us back on our feet), and we have just as much fun going out as we do staying in.
Steven turned 31 yesterday, and we celebrated it similarly. It was perfect.
So even though I've had my fair share of bad luck and bouts of depression, once I stop and think about it, I really can't ask for more.
Oh, and after leaving Verizon (the hell of which I called my job and will be unleashing all the fury I have towards them in a future post) I felt extra lonely and depressed. Like, 10 Xanax and a bottle of wine couldn't make it better depressed. So what did my sweet husband do? We decided to add a little addition to our family (along with a huge stash of Claritin)
Meet Prim:
Sunday, August 5, 2012
30 Day Blogs Challenge: Day 7
Day 7: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Well, I'm a Leo, and went on a quick Google search to remind me of what a "Leo" personality is.
I found this:
The Leo symbol portrays the curl of the lion's tail. This expression of energy seeks the pleasures in life, and Leo's proudly project themselves into the world. For some this projection is almost regal, as they desire to be in control of their environment. They love to perform, radiating warmth to those who show admiration and appreciation. Hence, there is often a strong need to give and receive love. In some cases, Leo will be the childish show-off, and be patronising in their affection. Much of Leo's self-expression will be colored by the house in which the Sun resides. However, if much of their life is subject to excessive snubbing and an ignoble existence, most of Leo's natural traits will evaporate.
Spiritual Inference
The need for personal development, and to acquire an inner peace with contentment through humility.
-Well, I think this is accurate for the most part. I know I'm inflexible, fear ridicule, loyal proud, creative and romantic. Probably some of the other things too. I think Leo suits me quite well.
Well, I'm a Leo, and went on a quick Google search to remind me of what a "Leo" personality is.
I found this:
The Leo symbol portrays the curl of the lion's tail. This expression of energy seeks the pleasures in life, and Leo's proudly project themselves into the world. For some this projection is almost regal, as they desire to be in control of their environment. They love to perform, radiating warmth to those who show admiration and appreciation. Hence, there is often a strong need to give and receive love. In some cases, Leo will be the childish show-off, and be patronising in their affection. Much of Leo's self-expression will be colored by the house in which the Sun resides. However, if much of their life is subject to excessive snubbing and an ignoble existence, most of Leo's natural traits will evaporate.
Challenging Traits/Keywords
Dogmatic, pompous, intolerant, patronizing, domineering, inflexible, vain, status conscious, childish, fears ridicule, cruel, boastful, pretentious, autocratic.
Dogmatic, pompous, intolerant, patronizing, domineering, inflexible, vain, status conscious, childish, fears ridicule, cruel, boastful, pretentious, autocratic.
Beneficial Traits/Keywords
Magnanimous, enthusiastic, loyal, affectionate, showman, ambitious, optimistic, idealistic, proud, creative, dignified, romantic, generous, self-assured.
Magnanimous, enthusiastic, loyal, affectionate, showman, ambitious, optimistic, idealistic, proud, creative, dignified, romantic, generous, self-assured.
The need for personal development, and to acquire an inner peace with contentment through humility.
-Well, I think this is accurate for the most part. I know I'm inflexible, fear ridicule, loyal proud, creative and romantic. Probably some of the other things too. I think Leo suits me quite well.
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