I'm backkkkkk

Hi Everyone,

I realize I have taken a LONG hiatus from my blog, but I have a few semi-good reasons.

For one:  Planning my wedding is driving me crazy!!!  Some days I just sit and stare at my to-do list and wish I could summon the RHH with the wiggle of my nose a la Samantha on Bewitched.  Planning my wedding might have been better done at the 3020.  Living there no one was surprised when anyone burst into tears/has a fit of rage (sets fire to things while drinking wine from the bottle) and knew when one of the other roommates was blankly staring at a project, it was time to step in and get things done.

Another wedding issue is how affected I am that my mother has chosen not to be a part of my life and therefore, my wedding.  She only cares about herself and alcohol.  When my engagement announcement ran in the local paper, I got a two page letter telling my what an appalling, disgraceful daughter I am.  When I picked out my wedding dress, all I wanted was my mother's approval.  But, since we haven't actually spoken in years, I didn't get the experience every girl dreams of.  I know she is mentally ill, but it doesn't stop me from freaking out when I need a mom.  I hate asking for help.  It's so embarrassing to ask Steven's mother to help with things I think my family/mother should do, but I guess that's just something I'll have to get over.  I didn't have the greatest childhood, but I can't let my past define my future.  By all outsider standards I've done pretty well for myself. I'm 24 years old, worked since 16, graduated high school with honors at 17, moved out on my own the week I turned 18, graduated college on the Dean's list at 21, held down multiple jobs when necessary, got my first big girl job at 22, bought a house and got engaged at 23 and this year I'm marrying my soul mate.  I think my mother should be proud.  I don't know what I could have done better or different.

Second: My job is insane.  Working in cellular retail is hostile and tiring.  I really am a good person, and a perfectionist that always goes above and beyond to help the customer. Yet, day after day I'm told how stupid and worthless I am over the silliest things.  Like "you can't take cash at the register?" (it's just a computer, we can only take cash at one machine that I'd be happy to help you use) or "My bill is $600 past due! Why did they turn it off? I'm going to pay it!" (As long as you set up a payment plan that won't happen...but...really?) or even "I declined insurance and threw my $800 (full retail) phone in the toilet! What do you mean it's not covered under warranty!??!!!"  (ummm...warranties generally don't cover stupidity).  I could go on and on.  Just once I'd like to feel appreciated at my job.

Finally, in November between the wedding, my mom, and my job, the depression I dealt with as a child came back with a vengeance, and a partner: anxiety.  Many people don't understand mental illnesses like depression or anxiety but they can be crippling. I would cry every morning and evening. I would spend breaks in my car crying and even though the dark clouds would sometimes lift momentarily and let me have a good day, most days I was in a fog. Some days I still am.

That's the thing about depression. Even if on the outside you don't seem to have anything to be upset about, you are.  Anxiety just makes me worry about EVERYTHING.  Do people like me? Did I make the right decision? Will I be able to pay the bills this month? Will it snow on my wedding and cause flight delays?  Most things I worry about I can't even control!  I've also been diagnosed with OCD so knowing that I'm not going to be perfect at everything and everything is not always going to be in it's place adds to my anxiety...but I'm working on it.

I finally had a nervous breakdown which is the most embarrassing part.  I've taken FMLA and have been out of work to get the counseling and medication I need to stabilize.  I will do anything to feel like myself again, and it has taken a lot of self reflection and hard work.  Luckily I have Steven and the RHH and a few close friends behind me, who never judge me and love me whether the fog is around me or not.  I can't wait to get back to normal and live the happy life I deserve!

I know this was a long one, but I'm going to try to be around more often :) Here's a few snapshots of what I've been up to since July:

Like going to Cincinnati to watch the Reds for mine and Steven's birthday:

And taking my dad (and his fiance-not pictured) so we could be silly:

 

Finally getting to meet and hang out with the newest, cutest member of the RHH:

 And anxiously awaiting Baby Trimble (who you may be familiar with from my RLBFF's Blog):

Isn't she totally adorable?

And finally getting to set up our First Christmas Tree:

I can't believe it's almost been a year since we bought our home and I'm looking forward to many years to come!

Thanks for hanging in there during my hiatus!

Going Going Going

So last weekend, Angie and I hit the beach...well as best we could. It was only 24154354 degrees outside so we would stay out as long as we could stand it, take our afternoon nap, go out to dinner, walk the boardwalk once it cooled down and then we were mostly in bed by 10p.m.  Yeah, we're totally cool. Not sure how we went from crazy to old in less than 2 years but I'm okay with it.  We would have more pictures if A) Jessica would have been there and B) It was under 100 degrees and we wouldn't have been searching for AC instead.  I do have one picture though:

Angie was a little hesitant about staying at the Schooner Inn, but hey, it was cheap!

Today I'm really procrastinating by blogging since in a few hours Angie's picking me up, and we're off to DC with Jess and Fox to see...

My 10 year old self is freaking out right now!  Half of me wants to see the "Hit Me Baby One More Time"  Britney, the other half wants to see Hot Mess Britney.  Either way it should be a good time :)  Even if we have a prego on board...

Since Jess is out on her own blog I might as well shout out a HUGE congrats to my BFF and fellow RHH and Kevin too on their little Ziggy due Feb 23 :) So excited for them!

Now, what do I wear to a B Spears concert?

Open Letter Pt 2 and The Beach!

So I suppose I should at least link Michelle Hughes blog since the prior post has been one of my most popular. So if you're interested in the type of person she is, here is her blog: http://thebeautyjunkieobsessed.blogspot.com/

My favorite post is the December 31, 2009 one.  Still blaming everyone else for her problems.

Anyway, enough about her, more about this Michelle.  I got our save the dates today and they're super cute magnets!  I wish I didn't have to work because I can't wait to get them in the mail!  Too bad I work tomorrow, but after I get off I'm picking up Angela and we're beach bound for the weekend!  It will be much needed relaxation.  The only downside is Steven was in Cincinnati last weekend, I'll be at the beach this weekend, the he'll be at his best friend's bachelor party the weekend after.  I love that we both do our own things, but we also love spending time together.  I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder and we appreciate each other much more when the other comes home from a few days away.


So, 6 pm, beach bound and it couldn't come sooner!  Hopefully we'll get some wedding stuff done too!

An Open Letter

As all of my followers that know me in real life know, Steven was married before.  And I was shocked that considering how his divorce went down he proposed after us dating only 2 1/2 years. A divorce is caused by the faults of two people, however in the case of Steven's divorce, I have taken a brunt of his ex's anger.  Now that I am engaged, I cannot carry this anger towards her anymore.  So here's my open letter to her after being silent for so long.

Dear Michelle Hughes,

First of all, thank you for leaving Steven.  It is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you are somewhat responsible for some of the happiness I feel with him every day.  I want you to know that yes, I did know Steven while you were married. We had mutual friends and I'll admit that I was attracted to him.  However, I NEVER even thought about having a relationship with him.  Honestly, I avoided him. There was never an affair.

When you left him, I allowed myself to be friends with him, and though our relationship moved quickly, his relationship with you was over and I refused to postpone my own happiness.  When I found out you were dating and sleeping with the Waynesboro officer and others I felt better about moving my relationship with Steven forward.

When the divorce was fresh, everyone around me talked trash about you. I do know it takes two people to ruin a marriage, and kept my mouth shut.  I mean, there must be something good about you, or he wouldn't have married you. When he moved out of your old house, I even made him store a few things you left behind I thought you might think were sentimental or important. However, that's when the attacks on me began.

Before I continue, you should know you have a friend that is not really your friend.  She's not mine either really, I think she just likes to stir the pot.  I know so many of the things you've said about me it makes me sick.  In fact, when your father and others went around saying Steven and I had an affair and it got back to my own father, that's when I realized I could stop sticking up for you. That's when I trashed the things I previously made Steven keep, just in case. Your divorce should never have had anything to do with me. Yet, you felt you could could "have the last word" and bully me? You can't.  And I won't let you.  You should talk to me like the woman you should be instead of blasting my name over this town.  For someone who supposedly doesn't give a damn about me, you sure do run your mouth about me a lot.

So, you want to know how it feels to be the second Mrs. Michelle Kramer?  It feels AWESOME!  Actually, if you Google or Facebook the name Michelle Kramer there are thousands, but I get what you mean.  If you would have actually had the audacity to come up to me and ask that (I know you never would) I would have responded with, "How does it feel to be 30, unemployed, bankrupt, living with your parents and pregnant with the baby of some guy from West VA?"  I just feel bad for Emma Lee, but I'm sure once she's born you'll have other things to worry about than me which I'm greatly looking forward to. I hope you don't take out your misery on her.

Michelle, I'm not a bad person, and I've held my tongue for awhile now.  If you truly don't give a damn, realize that I have better things to do than worry about you. You have quite a bit on your plate to worry about and I honestly feel bad for the position you've put yourself in.  Not that bad since your decisions have created a happiness for me that I never thought I'd feel.  We bought a house not too long ago and we're getting married in 6 months. Although I'm sure you already know this.

As far as karma goes, it's been pretty nice to me.  I'm glad you think you know so much about me, but trust me you don't. I'd be glad to talk to you woman to woman, but seeing as you're always sick or pretending to be sick or dehydrated, etc. that might be hard to arrange.  In the mean time, we wish nothing but the best for you. Now, if you could just leave me alone that would be great.  Stop spreading rumors and stop trusting in so many people, because they are making sure it gets back to me.  We can be adults about this.  In the French version of movies, the ex and the new wife become friends.  But I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to be your enemy either. I don't want you to feel you have to pout and glare at us at JMU games, or create false stories to make people think I'm bullying you.  I'm not sure other than this blog post how I've even come close to being a "bitch" to you, but you can go ahead and drop the act.  If you're always playing the victim, Michelle, you can never be the hero.  And Emma Lee is going to need someone to be her hero.

I wish nothing but the best for you Michelle.  Let your hatred for me end here.  And also keep an eye on who you are trusting.  Not all your friends are as trustworthy as you think.  It might be in your best interest to find some new friends.  And if you want to talk about this like an adult, feel free to contact me.  This blog is linked to my email, or I'm sure you've looked me up on Facebook.  If not have a nice life and best wishes.

Sincerely yours,
Michelle

I'm a horrible blogger....with BIG NEWS

Yes I know, I'm a horrible blogger.  Jess has been begging me to blog about this exciting event for weeks...long story short...I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!

On Friday, June 24th we left for a weekend trip to Baltimore, MD to watch the Orioles/Reds series.  Friday night's game went 3 extra innings and Steven was getting mad about how horrible the Reds were playing.  After the Orioles won in a walk-off, Steven was upset, but surprised me by asking her to stay with him and watch the fireworks show, knowing how much I love them.

During the fireworks finale, Steven told me he had something he'd been meaning to ask me and pulled out the ring.  Neither of us really remember what was said after that but I started to cry and of course said yes!  We then went out to celebrate in the inner harbor and of course call and announce our engagement to all of their family and friends!

Us in the inner harbor

The Rock

Of course since then we've set a date: February 17, 2012, and with that date FAST approaching and our wedding taking place in VEGAS I've been crazy busy and too stressed to blog. But I'm going to try to be better :) 

However, we now have a venue and yesterday I bought my dress!!!
Here's a sneak peek!

 

For more wedding info view my wedding website, and PLEASE sign my guest book :)

Night Shifts

Yes, I know I'm supposed to have lots of cool pictures from the weekend. I sometimes (usually) get side tracked with things. I always remember the important things (like picking up my free wine glass). Also, when Jessica's around, she's the mom, the picture taker and the organizer.  I allow her OCD to overtake mine and try to give my brain a break.

So, what am I doing on a Thursday night?  I should be having drinks with friends or going to the gym. REALLY should be going to the gym.  But by the time I got home from work, sent Steven off to work and caught up on a few household chores we've been slacking on, all I have energy to do is mess with my new iPhone and clean out my Google Reader. 

Which leads me to the topic of Night Shift.  For two weeks out of every month Steven works 7pm-7am.  AND I HATE IT. Some weeks I appreciate the alone time, but mostly I just miss him.  I think the hardest part of our relationship is his night shifts.  He likes them because they're more exciting and he is a night owl so it's easier on his sleep schedule. I however, am a super cuddler, so my sleep schedule suffers. I also am a light sleeper so every time I hear sirens go by I wake up, and then I start to worry.

Now I know we live in a smaller city, where crazy stuff doesn't happen often, but I still worry every second of every shift he works.  I guess things can happen in the daylight, but freaks come out at night. Steven's the nicest cop you'll ever meet. But people? Well they're assholes.

Recently Steven brought up switching positions in the department.  Instead of a patrol unit he would focus on loss prevention in the city.  Straight day shifts. Home with me every night. It would be perfect, for me.  Knowing him though, he'd be miserable dealing with punk shoplifters all day. I think it would burn him out quick.  I told him I didn't think he would be happy with the new position and he seemed surprised.  I know he was only considering it for me, and I don't want to be selfish. However, knowing he was willing to make such a huge change to make me happier means everything to me.

I guess I can look on the bright side and use the time to make my blog world famous, decorate our house, actually go to the gym and hang out with my friends.  Maybe one day I'll even get an invite to the elusive Cop Wives Club...bahahahaha. I think I've been exiled and permanently banned from that club. But that is for a different post

And the worrying continues. 

Weekend Fun

Getting back to work after such a long vacation has been tough.  So even though I usually work on Saturdays, I think I'll take the day off to go to Valley Fest 2011 which is an awesome beer and wine festival with live music at a local ski resort.  Of course I'm going with the RHH (Real Housewives of Harrisonburg)

Here's a throwback picture from our first wine fest together:

And we're using the perks of Jessica's sisters pregnancy for a designated driver this year, so we're sure to have lots of fun and lots of pictures!

Happy Memorial Day Everyone!

My Friend, Meri

This is my friend Meri

I met Meri when I started my new job in July 2010. I was scared to start my first "big girl job" but I ended up meeting some pretty cool people in the process.

Meri and I bonded quickly as the midgets of our workplace (we're both hovering around 5 feet) and even though I've known her less than a year she has become one of my dearest friends.  Recently her and her husband Mike were presented with an opportunity to move back to Meri's hometown of Seattle. 

Less than a month after Mike's initial job offer my new friends are moving cross country.  Mike went out a few weeks ago, and tomorrow it's Meri's turn to head to the west coast.

Luckily I find myself in Vegas almost yearly so tomorrow is not goodbye, it's "see you later."

Meri, thank you for being my friend and awesome co-worker.  Some days you were one of the few people who kept me on track at work and in life. Thank you for your magic sprinkles. Love you even if you are twenty-seven hundred miles away. Don't forget to facetime :) And I'll see you later, in Seattle or Vegas.

You can follow Meri's blog here as makes her big move.

Weddings, Harry Potter, and Siesta Key

Warning: This post has gratuitous self pics :)

So we're finally all back and settled in.  I don't think I ever needed a vacation as badly as I did before our 10 amazing days in Siesta Key, Florida.  One of Steven's childhood friends got married on May 14, and Steven's entire family was invited.  His parents were generous enough to rent a townhouse for us all to stay at, and decided to turn the trip into their yearly family vacation.  Not only was I excited because I love weddings and I love the beach; it was also my first family vacation with Steven's family.   They've been on two since we started dating, but it never worked out that I could come.

Steven's parents left the Monday before the wedding and Steven, Kara and Jimmy (Steven's sister and her husband) and I went to meet them a few days later. We were so excited to get to Florida, we left Wednesday evening and drove through the night. This was obviously mine and Kara's idea...as you can see the boys were thrilled:

 Steven and Jimmy on the final leg of the drive.

Once in Florida, the first order of business was the rehearsal dinner and wedding of Steven's friends Michael and Blair.  Steven hates taking pictures and rarely has to dress up, so I took these events as an opportunity to force him to take an excessive amount of photos.

Steven and I at the rehearsal dinner

Kara and I

Steven when I tried to make him pose for more :)

 The following day was the wedding, which was beautiful of course at a huge church right by the ocean. Followed by everyone's favorite part of any wedding, the reception.

And I even got Steven to dance with me! If you know him, this is an amazing feat!

 I am quite a bit wedding obsessed and watch way too much Say Yes to the Dress, My Fair Wedding, Rich Bride, Poor Bride, etc, etc and I've always loved the idea of the photo booth.  Well, Michael and Blair had one and I was so excited!

 You can probably tell these were taken near the end of the evening and we were feeling a little silly!

After the festivities, we had the next six days to relax and have some fun. We spent a LOT of time on the beach.

Sadly Steven's mom gets left out of photos since she's usually the photographer

Steven's dad was thrilled to metal detect some new territory

Kara and I were determined to see manatees and we even went on a kayak tour with Jimmy in tow to try to get up close and personal with them. Sadly Jimmy was the only one who caught a glimpse despite 3 hours of paddling.  Then later in the week while Kara and I were inside having lunch FIVE manatees swam right by Jimmy and our beach chairs!  Although disappointing, Jimmy was dubbed "The Manatee Whisperer."

Another exciting part of our trip was being so close to Orlando.  I went to Disney when I was a teen, and although Disney would have been fun, I've had my eye on Harry Potter World at Island's of Adventure since it opened.  I LOVE Harry Potter and remember reading them to my little cousin and brother growing up.  I can't believe it's been 14 years since the first book was released. FOURTEEN YEARS!  The last movie marks the end of an era! But that's a different post. Kara has never read the books, but she was nice enough to accompany me to fulfill my Harry Potter dreams!

So happy to see Hogwarts!

And we got Butterbeer!  Not to disappoint, but it's non-alcoholic and sickeningly sweet.  Have I mentioned I love, love, love Kara? I was lucky to meet Steven, but when his family got thrown into the deal, it was even sweeter!

By the end of the week, I had gotten the rest and fun I've been looking forward to.  I needed some time away from reality to recharge.  Also, I fell in love with Siesta Key.  I mean, who would ever want to leave a place with sunsets like this?

Especially when you get to enjoy it with an awesome family like this:

 I know this was a long post, but it's my first extended trip to the beach since Jess got married last May, and I love sharing pics.

Where is your favorite place to vacation?

I'm Back.....

So, after a  10-day vacation to Siesta Key, Florida with Steven and his family, we are home.  And I'm not happy about it one bit.  So after I catch up on my blog reading, compile my pictures and shake the sand out of my bags *sob* I'll share with you one of the best weeks of my life :)

Here's a sneak peak:

See why I never wanted to leave?

And see how happy we were there?

Making Big Changes

Yes, I'm a slacker when it comes to blogging.  A few times since my last post I've sat in front of my laptop and fallen asleep thinking of something to write about.  Not sure I'm ready to touch on the work subject yet, at least not until I figure out all the privacy settings.

I keep thinking, "Why would anyone read this?"  After all, my life is pretty boring...but the more I thought about it, I realized that my life isn't boring, it's just changing.

Just two years ago I was a recent college grad and I was loving life.  I went out EVERY night.
To concerts...To parties...To bars.

Me and Natasha with Cross Canadian Ragweed

Me and some of my awesome girlfriends (3 of us would be future 3020ers, but we didn't know it yet)

And I was a bartender at my favorite bar with some amazing people...

Halloween Crew

The Pub Girls(with Scottie and Bill)

And since I had relatively no responsibilities I could run off to wine festivals on the weekends, and Vegas any time I wanted...

With friends at the Horton Pig Roast/Wine Festival

Angie and I at the Venetian on an impulsive Vegas trip

But the best part of all? I lived with my best friends in the infamous 3020 (our townhouse number)...

Jess, Me, Katie and Lindsey AKA Fox

Me and Angie (I know, Angie overload! But she is my BFF!)

And we made an happy family with little Bodie...and took horrible pictures like this one

I feel like we should have more pictures of Liz?

These days we all have big girl jobs...Jessica is MARRIED which is still hard to believe since I've known her for 10 years now...yes Jess TEN years of L.O.V.E. Angie is living with her boyfriend, while Fox and Liz hold down the 3020.

These days when I'm really lucky, I get some time off work to spend with the Real Housewives of Harrisonburg, which includes the 3020 pictured above, Natasha (pictured at the beginning of this post) and these two lovely ladies:

Heather (Jessica's sis) and Kristin

And my idea of a crazy night?

Cheating on my diet...yummmmmm

And it's perfect if it's followed by this...

Yes, a LOT has changed in a short amount of time, but I think I could get used to this :)

Our First Home

I mentioned in my First Post that my boyfriend and I have recently purchased our first home.  It's been scary and exciting.  Last summer we had been talking about getting an apartment together and one thing led to another and in January we closed on a house.  It's a big huge step, but we're okay with that.   But Jess has demanded pictures of our place and it's something I'm really proud of so here's some before and after.

 

  Living Room

 Hallway/Dining Room/Kitchen

Master Bedroom

 

Two Smaller Bedrooms

We have four bathrooms in the house, and I won't bore you with pictures of our toilets, but I have to show this bathroom, even though I didn't end up changing it because I love the tile!  This  is my private bathroom because, well boys are stinky and girls are pretty, so I got the pretty one :)

This is Steven's reaction when I told him he could make the basement into his Man Cave.

So we picked out some new colors, and furniture, and I put the boy to work.

(This TV stand was almost destroyed in a fit of rage...it has me to thank for it's life) He just looks so cute trying to put it together.

Now...on to the after pictures

I swapped the lime green paint for red, and added my great-grandmother's table (refinished) and a pie-safe my great grandfather made me.  This house is very modern, but  these vintage pieces seem to fit.

 I love our living room furniture, and I was surprised that Steven agreed to it. (Yes I'm watching The Real housewives of OC)

The baby blue paint had to go, and since Steven works nights 2 weeks out of the month, the dark brown paint makes the room super dark, even during the day.  Although it does make it extra hard for me to get out of bed in the morning. Now I just need to find a cheap way to make an awesome headboard.

 

Since it's just the two of us, I turned one of the other bedrooms into an office/scrapbook room and the other into our guest bedroom.  The blue one doubles as a place for Steven to keep his work paraphernalia  and even though I HATE the blue on the walls, he loves it because "blue is for cops."  At least I can shut the door :)

And even though I doubt Steven will ever visit my little corner of the internet, he'd be disappointed if I didn't show you his pride and joy...his Man Cave. Yes it's a little smelly, the furniture still shows cat hair and his recliner is broken, but he loves this room.  Did I mention Steven had to put his beloved cats in foster care because I'm deathly allergic?  Yes, he loves me.  Don't worry though, they're pretty happy at his mom's house :)

So what personal touches have you added to your home?