Kitty & Canine Gift Exchange Part 2

Two weeks ago I mentioned that Prim and I signed up for kjpugs Third Annual Kitty and Canine Gift Exchange.

Prim was paired up with a kitty named Beans, and when Prim's present arrived she went nuts!  I was (and still am) home sick with pneumonia, so I didn't open the package right away. Prim was not happy because she knew it was for her and laid, scratched, attacked and purred the package until I gave in and asked Steven to help her open it.

Is all this for me?!

Beans sent an awesome package with kitty treats, mice, catnip and lots of fuzzy toys.  Prim went nuts with all the toys!  It was hard to get an action shot, but here's one of my attempts:

Also, you may not know that Prim plays fetch for hours! She especially took to a little green fuzzy toy with a bell on it, which is her new favorite toy to play fetch with.

"Mom, I'm going to need you to throw that!!!"

I'm  super glad we decided to participate in the gift exchange, and can't wait to do it again next year!

Thanks Beans (and Lauren!)

Happy Holidays!

Newtown, CT

I have not been able to see the news for most of the day, but as I tune in, I'm horrified.

I remember Columbine. I remember 9-11. It may sound naive to say, but the shooting today in Newtown, CT breaks my heart the most. 

I can't believe someone could do this. I'm at a loss for words.  The images I have seen of children holding hands and running through the woods to safety, and those of first responders rushing into the building (many officers in just their normal uniforms instead of waiting to suit up in full squad gear) will haunt my dreams.

This has hit just a little too close to home. In CT as I have many family members up north. As a police officer's wife. And as a young woman, because although I don't have children of my own, there are several children, Brody, Quorra, Noah, George, Ben, Joshua, Isabella, and many others including my baby cousins Lydia and Marlene who I would kill for. Who I would die for. I'm usually strong, but my eyes are tearful.

One scripture that sticks out and comforts me:

"But Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven'." -Matthew 19:14

To the shooter, (and I have not fully understood this saying until today) may God have mercy on your soul.

Christmas Bishes!

Normally, I am not a fan of Christmas.  Growing up it was always awkward. There is a lot of drama among many of my family members, and I can recall feeling tense and anxious throughout the holidays as early as 6 years old.

That being said, I could never really think of anything I wanted, except to NOT have to listen to the bitching my family members would take part in following any holiday gathering. After my parents separated, I dreaded the holidays. It's been a confusing dynamic ever since, and I was sure I would forevermore hate every Easter, Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Memorial Day...you get the idea.

Since Steven and I started dating, I realized even more how effed up my family is.  His parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins had FUN.  They enjoyed just hanging out with each other, with no trace of the mandatory, alcohol fueled, forced fun my family is used to. And although I wouldn't mind a glass of wine with Christmas (his family doesn't drink...at least not to Grandmom and Poppa's knowledge) I love the laughing, throwing snowballs at Steven's squad car, eating Aunt Joan's crappy brownies and the couches my sister-in-law and I crash on as soon as dessert is over.

This year, I'm excited about Christmas and even have a Christmas List to post!

Here goes!

(source)

The Nook HD.

Since I'm a neat freak and hate clutter I love the idea of an e-reader/mini tablet.  I sold my iPad when I lost my job, to make the mortgage and have missed my tablet.  This is small, perfect for reading on, and I'm pretty sure (and hope) I'm going to find it in my stocking :)

(source)

Criminal Minds Seasons

When I was out on FMLA and subsequently unemployed, I fell in love with Criminal Minds.  I love the show so much I want the whole series for the times I need to nest on the couch with my good friends at the BAU.  And I might also have a slight crush on Agent Morgan ;)

(source)

I'm obsessed with this hoodie from North Face. This, jeans, Uggs and Starbucks? Heaven.

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 This is the sweet calf/foot massager from Brookstone catalog I've been eyeing for years. For the record, this picture is basically my version of heaven. Tablet, booze, calf/massager. If only I had an extra $400. (right now it's on special for ONLY $349) I visited a Brookstone store this past weekend and definitely used that thing for longer than the "15 minute per customer" limit. For once I was grateful for my constantly "pissed off/don't bother me" face. But seriously, I'm not always pissed, it's just my face!!

And lastly...

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I'm in love with this Etsy store and this necklace!  They make the cutest peapod/birdnest necklaces and bracelets. The only change I would want is for the charm to be the "police officer badge" charm she offers instead of the weird stick figure one shown. But the white beads and silver make this so cute I could squeeeeeeeeeee. (that being the annoying noise dumb college girls make when they unexpectedly run into their roommate at a party, or the noise regular people make when they see baby kitty meme's on the internet)

Merry Christmas Bishes!

Third Annual Kitty & Canine Holiday Blogger Gift Exchange

I've been a terrible blogger lately.  I've started some posts, deleted them, and wrote them again. They are currently in my saved file.

But....

I've seen how blogs have helped my friends, mostly Jessica, with the weird age we are. You know, the one where we're newlyweds or college-ish aged or young mothers who feel the loneliness without something to plan (weddings, resumes, baby things). Who are also not quite ready for the PTA, Soccer Mom thing...I guess that's what happens next?  I'm not good with this adult thing.

So I've finished college, gotten married, and we're waiting on the baby thing.

I want to be a better blogger, so I decided to participate in KJPug & Hannah's Third Annual Kitty & Canine Holiday Blogger Gift Exchange.

(Link)

I know Jessica's Bodie loved his secret pal and Prim and I are excited to be involved this year too!

Prim can be an absolute sweetheart or an absolute terror. Besides mice, chewing paper/cardboard and chasing her laser pointer, she is obsessed with stuffed animals. Her favorite one being her pink bunny that she carries everywhere.  It even sleeps in the bed with us.

And as this is her first Christmas, I helped her get acquainted with the holiday.

Prim's first Christmas Tree (that lasted about 4 days before she destroyed it and it ended up in the trash) note her little bunny ear in the lower right corner. and Prim in her Christmas sweater (and that is the crazy eye she gets when she's about to enter attack mode)  She's not a fan of that sweater and spent 20 minutes wrestling it off.

For our first year participating in the exchange, Prim has been paired with Beans!

We are boxing up his Chrismukkah present and heading to the post office now!

Things I Can't Stand!

For those of you that know me IRL, you might be surprised to know there are several things that make me want to scratch my eyes out, bow drop strangers and shout profanities. (insert sarcasm font) Since I'm feeling a little extra grumpy today, I thought I would get some of these things off my chest.

1. Strangers that touch babies. Seriously, why are you touching a baby you don't know? When is the last time you washed your hands? Why is it necessary to touch a baby just because it's cute?  You have probably sneezed, picked your nose and not washed your hands after using the bathroom and now you're touching a baby?  Get some Purell, look and don't touch, and basically mind your own effing business!  That goes for touching baby bumps too.  I barely touched my cousin and best friends when they were pregnant WITH their permission.  If I get pregnant and someone touches my bump, I swear I'm going to touch their belly awkwardly until they get the hint.  I'm also going to make a sign for my stroller that says "Do not touch baby".  Laminated. And I will cut you if you don't obey the sign.

2. Strangers that hug me. Similar to do not touch random babies.  I'm not a hugger. Growing up I can't remember my parents hugging me.  I can only really remember hugging my grandparents.  I went to Australia and only gave my dad a peace sign.  I hugged my cousin when he left for Afghanistan. That being said, I don't like hugging, especially strangers. What is the point? How long are you supposed to press your body against another person? When I watch Live with Kelly and Michael, I wonder why they hug every guest. WHY!?!  I know, I'm weird since everyone else seems to be okay with it, but me? A peace sign will do.

3. Cooking shows. I'm not going to be following along with the chef, I am a horrible cook (I've started a fire while boiling water-no lie) and they make me hungry.  Jessica used to make me watch Paula Dean, and I'd yell the entire time until she changed the channel.  I can't cook, I'm not entertained, I'd rather be watching trashy reality TV. Jersey Shore and Honey Boo Boo, my love is infinite.

4. Surgery on TV. Blood, guts, intestines, brains, tumors. Enough said. That shit is gross, especially while eating.  It makes me gag and makes me paranoid. What if I woke up during surgery? What if I tried to take a dump and gave birth in the bathroom? I could go my whole life without knowing what an episiotomy is (if in labor, the doctor would just do it and keep his mouth closed), seeing a placenta, knowing what a nasty tumor looks like or seeing the tree man (has anyone else seen that TLC special?) That is some SICK shit. At least on The Walking Dead and Criminal Minds I know that stuff is make up.

5. Being late. (Not to include Goulart timing). As much as I love Jessica and Heather, it is in their genes to be late.  I know this. I understand this. I accept this.  If I need them to be somewhere at 11am, I tell them to be there by 10:15am.  Cool. No worries. But as I have discussed before, I am medicated for OCD and anxiety.  When something is not going as planned I get super stressed out and worried.  My mind goes to the worst case scenario and it can absolutely ruin my day.  I've gotten in trouble for being too early for work.  I often find myself arriving to a place early and sitting in my car for 20 minutes or so.  I hope to one day change this behavior, but as it stands, I hate when things don't go according to plan and mess up my schedule.

6. The Easter Bunny & The Elf on the Shelf. Who ever came up with these sketch creatures is a sick, sick person.  First, the Easter Bunny. A mutant bunny who leaves colored eggs on the porch. BUNNIES DON'T EVEN LAY EGGS! What is the connection? I avoid the mall during the Easter season. I am creeped out that some dude is wearing a bunny suit and having kids sit on his lap. I just don't get it. Sketch. (This also goes for "characters at Disney World or King's Dominion...also sketch).

I may look like I'm okay with this bunny, but trust me, that is my WTF face (which I have now perfected)

      Also sketch is the Elf on the Shelf. I don't understand this tradition, but I have seen the creepy doll that is Elf on the Shelf.  If my parents had tried to pull that shit with me, I would have been scarred for life.  I feel for the children that have to endure that awful thing.


7. Same side sitters. Working in restaurants throughout college, I've witnessed this phenomenon quite often.  Usually it's a couple that wants to make out. Gross, save that shit for later.  Aren't you getting in each others' way and bumping shoulders and elbows? Aren't there too many plates on one side of the table? Wouldn't you rather sit across from each other and converse? Same side sitters. Annoying servers since 1892.

8. Humming and whistling. That shit is annoying. I'd rather have dinner while watching surgery on TV with the Easter Bunny.

Is it Christmas yet?

Christmas has never been my favorite holiday. Yes there were presents, but the dysfunction that was family togetherness drove me insane.

*I'll skip that old record*

But my most dreaded holiday was always Halloween.

Growing up and until recently I tried to fake some enthusiasm for Halloween.  In college I
threw some sweet parties, and they were fun, but seriously other than dressing like a slut and getting drunk what is the point?? As a child you get some free candy, but as sad as it is, you can't just throw a sheet with some eye holes over your kid and let them walk up the block.

Mostly, I hate Halloween because I am a scaredy cat.  There it is.  I hate the commercials for scary movies that interrupt my Jersey Shore marathon.  I'm annoyed that Chucky, Scream and Paranormal Activity are playing back to back on my favorite channels.  I hate haunted cornfields, caves and houses that everyone seems to have a great time going to. I hate scary ass decorations, spider webs, monsters, and creepy corpses.

I don't like to admit it, but until I was probably 10 or 11 I used to roll up a blanket and wrap it around my neck at night because I was terrified of vampires.  I thought the blanket would foil the vampire from biting my neck and wake me up in enough time for little old me to run away. I mean, for real.

Today I helped my friend Jessica celebrate her birthday at a paint your own pottery store downtown and there were little kids trick or treating the local businesses.  I'm not going to lie, there was a 6 year old in a freaking clown mask that made me want to punt the child.  I'm talking John Gacy handcuff me to the pipes and dismember me before pouring the concrete basement floors scary.  REALLY!? Is it REALLY necessary to dress up your small child in a costume like that? Can't they just be Peter Pan or something?

I am SHOCKED that I watch The Walking Dead (only after screaming in protest when Steven tried to make me watch the first season).  My favorite (sort of creepy) movie is Practical Magic for goodness sake.

Thankfully Halloween is almost over. Five more days and I'm in the clear for another 365 days.  Then I get to look forward to all the Christmas festivities (and my first Christmas as a married lady) which has been a much more bearable holiday since I've been able to be a part off Steven's family.  Then I will have to deal with my second most dreaded holiday.

Easter. Well more specifically the Easter Bunny.  Think about it. 

Now a few Halloween throwback pictures:

How's Married Life?

As of last week, I have been married for 8 months. In that time I have been asked how's married life approximately 18570235710239571 times. After the first 3 times I've come to a default answer. It's boring.

That is usually the answer that gets the most confused reaction. The inquiring party is often dumbfounded and is forced to awkwardly move away from the topic.

I guess growing up, I'm used to seeing the dramatic romances played out in movies and in real life.  My parent's rocky marriage created a childhood in which my brother and I were constantly in turmoil. I was scared to make too much noise, to not wipe the sink completely off after brushing my teeth, forgetting a small chore and saying the wrong things to the point that I would be punished if my answer not the correct one. My parents were constantly arguing and there never seemed to be any peace in our household.

On television the relationships I saw and related to were always sprinkled with drama. Carrie and Big? Rachel and Ross? Jerry and Elaine? Anyone?

Even Disney's brand of love is dramatic. Belle and the Beast? Ariel and the Prince? Aladdin and Jasmine? Lady and the Tramp? Snow White?  I think Disney's love bugs are even more negative as they always seem to have a parental complex. Cinderella's misfortunes for example?

Nope, my marriage is boring, from the outside looking in.  Steven and I can anticipate each others' daily routines. What is he doing Tuesday night? Going to bowling league. Me every Wednesday? Watching Nashville of course.  Would I like to go on a date this week? Not on Thursday, Sunday or Monday night if it's football season.  Unless I'm up for some wings and beer of course.

I can tell by his body language if we're staying in, going out or if he just needs some time alone to decompress after a long shift at work.  He knows by the pants (or lack of since I HATE pants) if I am heading to see the girls, planning on vegging out all day or need some attention.

We always tell each other when we'll be home if we're together. We always kiss hello and goodbye. We always say I love you, even when we piss each other off.

And he has been my number one supporter as I've dealt with some serious health issues, job changes and just my overall life situation.  No one else would bring me my little shadow, Prim, knowing my need for a constant companion while he works crazy shifts would trump my severe allergies (I love her, but we should probably invest in some Allegra stocks before too long).

No one else would understand my abandonment and trust issues due to so many friends and family (and 2 pathological liars) stepping out of my life at the first hint of trouble.  I'm sure no one else would be able to handle the "pillow talk" he brings home from work. And I'm absolutely positive no other man would be able to accommodate my OCD, especially when I go un-medicated just to satisfy my inner voice telling me to rip the entire house apart and BLEACH!

So yeah, my marriage is boring.  There's no drama. We don't raise our voices.  Neither of us are having an affair.  He doesn't smother me, and is completely comfortable with me having a separate, independent life.  If he's not home, there is only about 4 places I know he could be. We don't antagonize each other (much) and that is that. Nothing more, nothing less.

Boring. Just the way I like it.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 12

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day12

Bullet Your Day

September 16, 2012

-woke up
-kissed my husband
-ate cereal
-laid on the beach (watched seagulls, read)
-got in the hotel hot tub with my sister-in-law and drank frozen drinks
-showered and got ready
-dinner with my mother, father and sister in laws
-went shopping with my sister-in-law
-ice cream with my sister-in-law
-came back to the hotel and kissed my very sleepy husband (who had been watching football with my brother-in-law all day)
-drank a glass of wine on the balcony overlooking the ocean
-tried to go to bed but my husband wouldn't stop sleep talking
-got back up, had another glass of wine
-crawled back into bed and finally went to sleep

Yes I'm on vacation, and yesterday was pretty well close to perfect.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 11

30 Day Blogger Challenge: Day 11

Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.

01. Pop Evil: Hero
If you haven't heard of them, you should check them out.

02. MoneyPenny: Fast Cars
Yay for Mike Davis!

03. Pat Monahan: Girlfriend
Downloaded for his mellow sound.

04. Jayme Dee: Rules (The Hunger Games Soundtrack)
Addicted to listening to this when I run, where I pretend I'm in the Games.

05. No Doubt: Don't Speak
Yes, I grew up in the 90's!

06. Carly Rae Jepsen: Call Me Maybe
 I hear this song is over played on the radio, but since I'm not working and listening to the radio all day, I still love listening to this.  And I'm guilty of this song being my ringtone.

07. Adam Sandler: Grow Old With You
 This was played at our wedding while we cut the cake.

08. Taylor Swift: Safe and Sound (The Hunger Games Soundtrack)
Again, addicted.

09. Third Eye Blind: Jumper
Another 90's throwback.

10. Britney Spears: If You Seek Amy
I loved this song, and honestly didn't know what the title meant until I went to her concert last year ;)

Thanks, Reality

So when I last posted I was super excited and happy.  I was starting a new job and things were looking up in our world.

Well, after one week at the new job I was called into the boss' office. Not my direct supervisor or even her boss. The big lady at the office.  I had never spoken to her, and felt pretty weird to be called in after my Friday shift. 

Yep, I was fired.

Not due to anything specific, but she told me this: "Michelle, you are great at customer service (just an hour before the second in command had told me how great I was doing and especially since it was the busiest week the office had had in awhile) but you are not a team player."

Not a team player?  I thought back on the stressful week.  Yes I was overwhelmed, but I know I did my very best.  Since the Verizon incident, I mostly kept my head down, did my job, and went home.  I ate lunch alone. I didn't even know everyone's names. The lady that was supposed to be training me kept telling me to "figure it out" when I asked questions.

But I returned to work every day.

Understandably I was upset.  We have been struggling ever since I left Verizon.  Even though that wasn't my dream job, we had made up a plan to get our financials in order and get out of debt.

Now we are skimping.  I knew Steven came with debt due to his ex-wife and I brought my student loans.  When I was out on FMLA, we used our credit card for expenses such as groceries, gas, doctor appointments and my other medical expenses. 

Now that I've been unemployed for the past 4 months, I've had to get creative.  I've had yard sales, sold things on eBay, refinished furniture, etc. to try and make ends meet. But it's hard.

We don't qualify for government assistance, and everyday I'm worried sick that we're going to get in over our head.

Not that we don't have amazing family and friends. Steven's parents are taking us on a family vacation later in the week.  Our friends and family give us emotional support, physical support (like Angela being a great team player helping me with yard sales and calling me each day just to say hi) and even making sure we don't just sit at home. Last night some of our friends took us to the JMU vs. Alcorn State game and we had a blast sitting in the misty bleachers and watching Alcorn get absolutely crushed.

We still have fun. We love each other more than ever. Steven never wants me to worry. He has told me to just relax and when we come back from vacation I will hear from a job and we'll get back on track.

But I can't help but worry.  What do I choose to go without? Medicine? My doctor visits?  I've already given up my counselor. We mostly eat cereal and PB&J (which Steven tells me are his favorite foods when I seem upset).  He works overtime so I can have the occasional girl's night since it means so much to me.

Don't get me wrong. I am truly blessed to have our little family and amazing friends.  I know we'll figure it out. I know we have to be okay. We have to.

I've worked since I was 16, and have never been unemployed since. I feel like a broken record by venting on my blog, but it is SO FRUSTRATING!

In any case, I'm still trying very hard to see the little, happy things in my life.  Like this view we got last night:

I wouldn't be given anything I can't handle right?

Good News!

For those of you that know me, know that I've been having a really hard time this past year.  Luckily I have some amazing friends, a supportive husband and family who picked me up every time I was thisclose to giving up.

Last year I began suffering from panic attacks and was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder, OCD and depression.  The counseling and medication helped, and just as I was starting to feel like myself, I got fired.

I had worked at Verizon Wireless since July 2010.  Admittedly this was a horrible fit for me, and I always felt anxious and worried.  I was in work mode 24/7 and I would cry every day to and from work.  Instead of letting me explain to management what I needed to be successful (because as far as sales go, I was KILLING it), they moved me to the Staunton store (a 45 minute drive compared to my usual 3 minute commute). 

I begged not to be switched so soon after having returned from my FMLA leave (linked to my anxiety/depression), but obviously no one cared.  I was moved to the Staunton store in May 2012.

It was hard to cope with the changes, but I slowly accepted the store. 

Now EVERYONE I worked with played pranks, cursed, made fun of customers, etc.  One manager would make jokes about women belonging in the kitchen and another would even send pictures of his shoes and pants when he went to the bathroom, just to let us know he was pooping. People would take pictures of funny customers and pass them around. Every year there was a NCAA bracket for money, co-workers would steal each others' phones and update their Facebook to inappropriate status'. I HATE hugging and touching and that was how people picked on me.  Other people would use office supplies to prank each other, lock others out of their computers and so on.

Before I moved to the Staunton store, a co-worker was arrested for drunk in public.  He was known to drink a lot and get into trouble.  My Staunton co-workers asked me about it, and wanted to see his mugshot from the "crime times" which is a local publication that prints mugshots and charges.  My manager asked me to send it to him,  (another co-worker had sent it to me) and I forwarded the picture.

Everyone had a good laugh...until I was fired.  Just me, no one else.  I was devastated.

Everything I had accomplished with my health crashed.  I upped my medicine (but couldn't see a counselor due to expense) and as a result gained wait, lost my will to get up most days and I know the people around me were affected by my constant depression.

I haven't been able to collect unemployment because Verizon says I violated a "code of conduct" which is funny since no one else was punished. Even worse? No one stuck up for me. Not one co-worker.

But this week has brought on some good changes.  Today I got a job offer working in an office with great hours and great pay. They will even pay for grad classes AND I start tomorrow! I started Crossfit, and am working on getting back to the old me. The happy me. The me that doesn't have to use every ounce of energy just to get out of bed.

I can't wait.  And I want to say thank you for every person who continues to support me no matter what life throws at me.  (You know who you are)

Cheers!

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 10

Day 10: Discuss your first love and first kiss.

My first real kiss was in 8th grade at a birthday party.  Of course we were playing spin the bottle, and the boy who I'll refer to as J took me outside and kissed me on a foggy October night by the lake on the golf course where the party was held.

A very cliche 80's movie scene.  I had started crushing on J in 7th grade so of course I thought the next step was to date through high school, lose our virginity on prom night, get engaged at graduation and then raise some kids.

Instead, he started making fun of me in school and I was crushed.  I still have hard feelings, but he recently popped up on my Facebook, "people you may know" even though I deliberately denied his friend request (yes he made my life hell and I still remember the horror of middle school and yes, I'm still refusing to be Facebook friends with this guy 11 years later).  Curiosity got the best of me, and I'm happy to report that although he is married, I'm still satisfied that my life is better than his.  SO THERE!  I'm obviously a very mature 25 year old.

I guess J was my first crush, and I dated and dumped a string of guys in high school, but when I think of my first love, my first REAL love, I only think of Steven.

That said, I do have a first sick infatuation, which I'll be more than happy to divulge.

I met B during my freshman year at Bridgewater College.  He was 24 to my barely 18, had just got out of the Marines and was so smooth and handsome that I was wrapped around his finger.  He knew exactly what to say. In all my previous relationships, I wore the pants. I was the boss, I made the rules, and I broke the heart.  He knew all the right things to say and I was in over my head by our second date.  For the next 3 years we were on and off.  We never said I love you or became Facebook official. He'd be all about me for a few weeks, then disappear.  Then one of us would drunkenly call the other and after the booty call, we'd be on again.  I would ignore him and play hard to get when I felt him pushing away, he'd come back and the cycle continued.

I had a lot of guy friends in college, and got so much satisfaction showing up to parties with them and seeing the look on his face when I walked in. Before I left to study abroad I remember him screaming at me that if I got on the plane to Australia (with my best guy friend) he would never speak to me again.  I'm so thankful I turned my phone off and got on that plane.  It was so liberating.  Of course the night I got back to the States, the game was back on.

Looking back, I can't believe I let that go on for THREE YEARS.  Not to say that I didn't date other guys, but I always went back to B. Towards the end, after changing my phone number, I ran into him at the bar I worked at (though I was off duty) and coincidentally made Steven (married at the time, and whom I had only talked to once before) shield me.  I can still remember him screaming "I know you're going to fuck that cop! Fuck you!"  And I'm not going to lie, I would die laughing if I could see his face when he found out I married him.  Another night while I was working he showed up with his dad and introduced us.  I said, "so you're the one responsible for raising this piece of shit?"

The very last time I "saw" him, I was beyond wasted and in my junior year.  I started crying, slipped up and said "I love you why don't you love me!?"  And yes, I'm embarrassed.  After this, I knew I had to break the cycle.  I tried the ignore, change my number, etc, but I couldn't shake them.  So I did what any college girl as awesome as myself would do.

I well, hung out, with his (super hot) best friend and roommate from the Marine Corp.  And I don't even feel bad admitting it.  He got the picture after that.  And they are no longer friends, but his friend was pretty much done with his ass anyway.


Even though this was a total bitch move, I think I ended up getting a pretty sweet life deal.

30 Day Blogger Challenge: Day 9

30 Day Blogger Challenge: Day 9

How do I hope my future will be like?

Easy.  I hope it will be filled with love, laughter, family, friends and adventures.

30 Day Blogger Challenge-Day 8

I'm a horrible blogger.  I think about it often because right now, I have a lot of emotions to get out.  But every time I sit down to do so, I feel like I should be doing something else.  Job hunting? Cleaning my house? Working out?   I do so much of those, I haven't really been taking time for me.  So here's my attempt to re-enter the blog world.

30 Day Blogger Challenge-Day 8:


A moment you felt most satisfied with your life.

Tuesday was my 25th Birthday.  I was pretty bummed most of the day.  My estranged mother moved to another state without letting me know (I found out from my little brother) and even though I know she is incapable of loving me, it still hurts.  It's been 3 years since I've gotten so much as a happy birthday or Christmas card from her. 

That morning I woke up, went to lunch with my dad (Steven had to work and then had bowling until 9:30p).  Afterwards, I hung out at the house and when Angela got off work, her, Jessica, Heather, Kristin, Quorra and Noah took me out for a last minute dinner at one of my favorite places, Romano's (a local Italian place which rivals the Olive Garden).

I know I was grumpy, but I did have fun.  Steven and I were going to go out after he was done bowling, so I got ready and then promptly passed out on the couch.  He called twice, text me twice and then came in to find me passed out.  I wanted to go out, but was clearly exhausted (I feel like a granny being sleepy at 10pm, I can remember getting ready to go out and drinking beer in the shower  at 10pm).  Instead, we opted for pajamas and I poured a glass of wine and we watched tv in bed with the newest addition to our family, which you'll meet in a moment.

At that moment, I felt completely satisfied with my life.  I have a great family, the best friends, and a husband that loves me no matter what.  I might be between jobs, but we have a beautiful house, loving support system (of friends and family that are there to catch us and help us back on our feet), and we have just as much fun going out as we do staying in.

Steven turned 31 yesterday, and we celebrated it similarly. It was perfect.

So even though I've had my fair share of bad luck and bouts of depression, once I stop and think about it, I really can't ask for more.



Oh, and after leaving Verizon (the hell of which I called my job and will be unleashing all the fury I have towards them in a future post) I felt extra lonely and depressed. Like, 10 Xanax and a bottle of wine couldn't make it better depressed. So what did my sweet husband do?  We decided to add a little addition to our family (along with a huge stash of Claritin)

Meet Prim:

She's cute, but ferocious. And has become the diva of our house.  I'll be sure to upload more of her shenanigans soon.

30 Day Blogs Challenge: Day 7

Day 7: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Well, I'm a Leo, and went on a quick Google search to remind me of what a "Leo" personality is.

I found this:

The Leo symbol portrays the curl of the lion's tail. This expression of energy seeks the pleasures in life, and Leo's proudly project themselves into the world. For some this projection is almost regal, as they desire to be in control of their environment. They love to perform, radiating warmth to those who show admiration and appreciation. Hence, there is often a strong need to give and receive love. In some cases, Leo will be the childish show-off, and be patronising in their affection. Much of Leo's self-expression will be colored by the house in which the Sun resides. However, if much of their life is subject to excessive snubbing and an ignoble existence, most of Leo's natural traits will evaporate.

 

Challenging Traits/Keywords
Dogmatic, pompous, intolerant, patronizing, domineering, inflexible, vain, status conscious, childish, fears ridicule, cruel, boastful, pretentious, autocratic.

Beneficial Traits/Keywords
Magnanimous, enthusiastic, loyal, affectionate, showman, ambitious, optimistic, idealistic, proud, creative, dignified, romantic, generous, self-assured.

Spiritual Inference
The need for personal development, and to acquire an inner peace with contentment through humility.

-Well, I think this is accurate for the most part. I know I'm inflexible, fear ridicule, loyal proud, creative and romantic.  Probably some of the other things too.  I think Leo suits me quite well.

30 Day Blogs Challenge: Day 6

Before I start Day 6 of the Blog Challenge, I just need to take a minute to brag about how awesome my husband is to me.  He knows I like surprises, but also knows I can usually sniff them out.  I told him I wish the Easter Bunny brought me a basket, and while at work on Saturday, "Happy Easter" flowers were delivered to me at work.  I was so excited, as is every girl who receives flowers, but I wasn't expecting an Easter Basket this morning as well!  He definitely surprised me, and who wouldn't love a basket filled with skittles, my favorite gum, AND a Starbucks gift card. 

I'm a very happy girl :)


Day 6:

List 30 interesting facts about yourself...I'm not sure there are 30 interesting things about me, but I can try and throw some random facts out there.

1. I didn't know how to parallel park until I was 21.

2. I never believed in love at first sight, and I'm not sure I do now, but the first time I met my husband, something in my gut told me there was something special about him.

3. I studied in Australia, and had the time of my life.  I hope that I will be able to go back one day.

4. I love to clean, organize and rearrange things.

5. Growing up, I never imagined I'd be married, own a home, and have somewhat of a career at 24.

6. Although I have a good job, I REALLY want to own my own business, I'm just not sure of how to start, and I'm afraid of failure.

7. I am a perfectionist, and take criticism way too personally.  I know I need to work on that.

8. I would love to live at the beach, especially the Outer Banks or Siesta Key.

9. I still feel guilty that Steven's cats couldn't live with us because of my allergies.

10. I hate pumping gas, but love the smell of gasoline.

11. I'm better at standing up for others than I am standing up for myself.

12. I CAN'T stand people who use poor grammar.  I have actually broken up with boyfriends because of it. When Steven consistently used proper grammar when texting/instant messaging me, I knew he was a keeper.

13. I'm addicted to watching Criminal Minds. 

14. I'm only Facebook friends with some people so I can see what a train wreck their lives are.  The people who peaked in high school and made my life hell, now entertain me by publicly displaying the shit their lives have become.

15. I have no interest in participating in my high school reunions. The majority of the people I want to see, I keep in pretty good contact with.

16. I can't cook to save my life, but Steven always goes back for seconds.  I'm working on it...

17. I despise passive aggressive Facebook statuses.  Handle your business in private.

18. I love staying in hotels and having other people make my bed and wash my towels.

19. One of my first words was "Big Ditka," and yes, I am still a Bears fan.

20. I was a bartender for 3 years, and still don't know what to order when we go out.

21. Even though I met some incredible people in college, I still wish I had gone out of state.

22. I generally don't like surprises.

23. Over the years, I've had some bad roommates...too many to count, but I've learned that the old "you shouldn't live with your friends" isn't true at all.  You can't live with your fake friends, but my 3020 girls and I were great roommates.  I wish we could all live on the same street!

24. Steven's ex-wife has a seriously creepy love affair with Mickey Mouse and all things Disney.  I used to like Disney things, and now that is ruined for me. I want to punch her in the face for this, among other things.

25. I can't lie to save my life, I'm honest to a fault.

26. I love everything Kate Spade.

27. I still have no idea if I want children or not.

28. I hate wearing pants. I live in skirts and dresses.
 
29. Even though I'm totally a fan of women's rights, I sometimes wish I could just stay at home.

30. I took entirely too long to think of 30 interesting/random things about myself, that's pretty lame.

30 Day Blogs Challenge: Day 4/5

Day 4:

Views on religion.

I've been told it is best not to discuss politics or religion.  I think religion is a very personal thing.  I think fundamentalists give their religions a bad name and cause too many wars.  I think church and state should be separate. I think a lot of churches are corrupt and spend their "offering" on materialistic things instead of spreading God's word and helping those in need.

I could go on and on...but onto Day 5:

A time you thought about ending your own life.

Well isn't this a fun topic?  It is no secret that I have battled depression and anxiety for many years.  What is hard to admit is that I have considered this option on many occasions.  My cousin committed suicide a few years ago and it devastated my family. Even though my family was hurt and confused, I understood what it felt like for him to feel hopeless and alone.

When my parents divorced my depression came on full force.  I was angry, hurt and didn't know how to deal.  I lost some long-time friends who couldn't deal with the depressed Michelle and cut me off for good.  This made things worse.  Not only was I working, in school and my family falling apart, I was losing my "friends" too. I took things out on the guy I was dating at the time, and pushed him out of my life abruptly.  He couldn't understand my sadness, and I couldn't explain.  I just wanted to be alone.  My plans to move to Baltimore fell through.  My relationship with my mother fell apart and is destroyed to this day.

I can't blame anyone for not wanting to understand my depression and confusion, but I honestly felt I had no one. I thought about crashing my car.  I thought about taking as many sleeping pills as I could.  Sometimes the only reason I didn't follow through with these plans was the possibility that they would not work and then I would be committed, or injured and permanently handicapped.

I went through the days in a fog.  I am forever grateful to my bff Angela, who let me vent without judgement, and who understood my anxiety and erratic behavior. I had lost touch with some friends and was pushed away by others, but one day Jessica called me (we hadn't talked much for about 2 years due to a "situation" and asked me to meet her at Starbucks.  It was as if no time had passed.  We caught up and in just a few weeks I moved in to her townhouse (where I met another bff, Fox) and Angela moved in shortly after.   Add in Jessica's sister, Heather; Heather's bff Kristin L, Natasha, Liz and "the cousins" Nicole and Kristin H and you have the RHH.

I slowly began to heal.  I met Steven. I fell in love with him and his family. Slowly my days have returned to what is "normal."  Some days are good.  Some days are bad.  Regardless, I now have the most incredible support system in my new family dynamic, my husband, the RHH, and the other friends that have stuck with me during my craziest days.  I can't even list or even truly ever express my gratitude for the people that got me through the thickest fog and continue to support me.

Thanks guys.

I promise I'll have a happier post next time :)

30 Day Blogs Challenge: Day 3

Day 3:
Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Drugs and Alcohol...well that question that seems so simple, for some reason, is also very complicated.  I am currently a social drinker. In high school and college I drank WAY too much and partied like college kids typically do.  The older I get, I look back on the choices I made, and I regret them. I drank to blur my constant depression. I drank to fit in.  I drank because it felt like it was expected of me.

Now as a social drinker, I'll have some wine at dinner or a beer at a cookout, but very rarely do I over-indulge. Not only do I not like to be intoxicated to the point where I cannot control my actions, I also can't quite recover like my 19 year old self could.

I also have plenty of family members who are alcoholics, and I've seen the damage that can be done.  I don't want be like that.  I can have fun without alcohol.

As for drugs, I get it.  You feel invincible, the fog covers the pain.  But once the drugs wear off, you are right back where you started.  I think it's better to get help and live clean.  That being said, I really don't think natural drugs like marijuana should be criminalized.  We are already paying for thousands of drug dealers kept in our jails. We spend millions on drug trafficking investigations.  I'm not saying drug dealers should not be punished, but there are SO many other things we could focus on.  If someone has a minor amount of weed on them, should their lives really be ruined, especially if they are an adult?

I definitely think our country should prosecute drug dealers, smugglers and those who manufacture synthetic drugs like meth.  But if we could regulate or decriminalize marijuana, maybe the money our country saves can help starving families or creating jobs. I know the idea is controversial and complicated, but even though I'm not a drug user, I don't see the harm in an adult smoking a little weed in the privacy of their own home.

30 Day Blogs Challenge: Day 2

Day 2: Where would you like to be in 10 years?

In 10 years, I will be 34 years old. Steven will be 40.  Seeing as I still don't really know what I want to be when I grow up, I hope that by 34, I'll have figured that out.  I want a career that makes me happy.  I'd be thrilled if I could own my own business.

Maybe we will have moved into a new house. Maybe we will have a baby. Maybe we will pick up and move away. Maybe we won't do any of these things.

Mostly, I want us to be happy.

Yesterday, my (soon-to-be) sister got married. At the reception Steven and I snapped a few self-pics.

I think if we can keep this sense of humor, we'll be exactly where we need to be in 10 years.

30 Day Blogs Challenge: Day 1

It seems I have a severe case of writer's block.  I'm feeling more and more like myself everyday, but still have bad days.  Since I can't just write about horror stories at work, and I'm not pregnant or starting the re-do of the upstairs of my house (which I really hope I can afford soon!) I thought I would do a 30 day blog challenge and hope to jump start my creative juices.

I might not complete this in 30 consecutive days, and might through in a few real posts in between, but here goes nothing.

Day 1:
Talk about your current relationship.

I am currently a newlywed after getting married February 17 of this year. It sounds cliche, but the first time I met Steven, I just had a feeling about him.  I was a senior in college, about to move to Baltimore with some friends, and he was 28 and married.  It was a confusing feeling, and I did my best to ignore him and focus on school and life in Baltimore.

Although nothing inappropriate ever happened between Steven and I; a few months after that first meeting his wife left him and my plans to move away fell through.  Hanging out and flirting commenced, and soon we were absolutely inseparable. A little over 2 years later, he proposed at Camden Yards after an Orioles Victory during the Friday night fireworks show.

I have dated quite a bit, and never thought anyone would really "get" me.  Steven, however, loves that we are independent people with different interests and hobbies, but still enjoy our time together and support each other.  No other man could do the things I need, but leave unsaid. No other man would or has supported me during my bouts of depression, put up with my crazy family, or could have survived a week in a house at the Outer Banks with my girlfriends and their husbands/boyfriends for Jessica's wedding. No other man shares my sense of humor, which is probably the most important thing.

Plus, he comes with a pretty awesome family, which is definitely a perk for me.

I have the perfect amount of time alone, freedom to explore my own interests, spend time with friends, and of course, affection.

I believe that is what makes our relationship work.  We are best friends who love, respect and enjoy one another, but I don't feel like I have lost my individuality, which has often been the case in the past.  I feel like I've known Steven my whole life, and can't wait to spend the rest of it together.

Married Life

Today marks the 1 month Anniversary of my wedding.  That's right...I'M MARRIED.

I've been putting this blog off because I've been trying to think of something unique and profound to say about the whole event, but all I can say is the day was perfect for us.  I was nervous in the days leading up to the wedding, and the morning of went into full-blown panic mode.

But once I walked down the aisle and Steven grabbed my hand, everything fell into place.  He may have cried when he proposed, but I was a mess while he said he vows and I said mine.  He kept mouthing, "don't cry," but I could hear crying from the guests and Angela's tears behind me.  I'm shocked I held it together as well as I did.

The ceremony blew by, and I can hardly remember everything that happened.  In less than 12 minutes I became Mrs. Michelle Kramer, and I've never been happier.

Everyone had a blast and everything went off without a hitch. So, here's a few of my favorite pictures (which turned out better than I expected) of the big day:

My Wedding in 25 Photos or less...I felt great, and the only thing that could have made it better would have been to have all of the RHH there.  With the exception of Angela, the RHH were stuck on the East Coast tending to new jobs, school, family and babies...they stayed in touch all day texting and tweeting encouragement and assurance that my hair, makeup, dress, etc looked great, and a few days after Steven and I returned home, we all got to meet...

Noah Trimble! I'm already in love.